I cannot explain why it’s taken me nine months to find a sponsor at NA. Neither can I tell you why I vacillate between three meetings a week and none. My best guess is that my refusal to follow the rules is just one more self-defeating decision in a decade of self-defeating decisions. I go to the meetings but don’t work the program. I want to make friends but don’t pick up the phone. I’ve tried to do things my way, but my way is (clearly) not the best way.
Tonight I got a sponsor. I stuck around after the meeting and lit a cigarette with shaking hands and made myself speak. I bought a damned book with $10 I really don’t have to spare. I asked someone to be my sponsor and she said yes and immediately gave me instructions to read the first chapter, call her every day and be prepared for an assignment on Saturday night. I am going to listen.
Oh, oh! Guess who my sponsor is. One of these girls. ;>