Two a Weeks

Today, I finally found a comfortable mental space from which to watch the Kaiser (not) play soccer.  It only took me the entire two-month-long season to figure it out. I’m not terribly competitive. I like to be good, but I don’t have to be the best. And yet, watching my four-year old play soccer has been…. excruciating. If I’m type B, he’s type X.

Confused Cole


It’s what I perceived as laziness that made me absolutely insane.

“Cole, you gotta at least try.”
“Dude, why won’t you run?”
“Don’t you want to kick the ball?”
“Well, you did pretty well, but let’s try to actually, like, move next time.”

Cole on the ground

Get UP, Kaiser. Get UP.

As I watched him, though, throughout the last few months, I realize that while he’s kinda lazy (it is what it is), he’s also simply uninterested. He’s four and he’s a gentle, cerebral kid. He was accidentally pushed down in a game and came to me.

“I don’t want to be tough, Mommy.”

What the fuck do you say to that? I don’t particularly want him to be tough, but neither do I want him to be left out, taken advantage of, or hurt. It’s a fine line. And as I sipped my latte and watched him somersault and pick flowers on the field, I began to let go.

It doesn’t matter if he’s good. It doesn’t matter if he likes soccer. It doesn’t matter that he’s never going to win a Best Defender Award. It’s cool that he’d rather sit on the sideline with me, clutching his stuffed dog and singing old Guster songs.

Cole in the net

He got stuck... Four times.

When I stopped cheering (read: yelling madly and pointing toward the goal) and let go of my expectations, I was blessed with the utter joy of watching a really cool kid do some really funny shit. My lesson, then, is to live like the Kaiser plays soccer: realize it’s ok to be last, take frequent breaks, look forward to snack time, and don’t take anything too seriously.

Cole and Hayden

You don't have to be good to look cool.



Filed under Buddhism, Raising Kids

7 responses to “Two a Weeks

  1. Kevin

    That’s a really cool kid, sometime in the distant future “in a universe far, far away” when the jocks are getting drunk and wasting their lives he might just be doing something worth while, and who knows perhaps making a difference, he’s a kid to be proud of.

    • sarafraser

      Ooooor he may someday be hiding behind the back porch with Miller High Life and a bowl. Either way, it’ll be interesting. 🙂

  2. AD

    Love your attitude (newly found). Been there, does that, to some degree. Hell for coaches too, ask Steven. Love the photos. Can’t wait to see you!

    • sarafraser

      Newly found, indeed. I was NOT a model parent early on, but I didn’t blog about that because that would be… silly?

  3. Dot

    You are so wonderful & wise. Yes, I am being serious =) I hope to adopt this kind of mentality myself regarding certain things in my life as a parent. Thank you, as always, for your honesty and insight. I appreciate you.

    • sarafraser

      :> Trust me, every wise thing I ever (EVER) do as a parent is generally done A) entirely by chance or B) after a long road of screwing up crap. Thank you for reading.

  4. Aubrey

    I’m adopting “You don’t have to be good to look cool” as my personal mantra. I love you! And The Kais.

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