Last Saturday, we joined the Georger family at Fisher’s Orchard for Hudson’s first-birthday party.
It was a gorgeous day and the kids were delightful and we got to pick out some pumpkins.
They also featured a fine selection of friendly barnyard animals. And animals are AWESOME.
There were several rabbit hutches and the Kaiser spent most of his time lovingly running his pudgy fingers over black fur. A sign on the hutches indicated that one could buy a rabbit for a very reasonable $10. As we took a hay ride through the apple trees, I considered adding a rabbit to the family. They’re cute. I have no impulse control. So I text Jed.
Sara: Hey, man they have rabbits for sale here and they’re awesome rabbits.
Sara: They’re so cute. I want 14.
By this time, I had regained control over my frontal lobe. While the impulse was stymied, I decided to entertain myself a bit more.
Sara: Uh ooooooooh.
Jed: What, Sara? You did not get a rabbit.
Sara: I did. I got two. I had to! $10 a pop!
Sara: I got two and Cole has named them Wigert and Turd. They’re really precious.
Jed: Oh god. You can’t have two rabbits. In a month, you’ll have 60 rabbits.
Jed: Please tell me you didn’t get two rabbits.
Sara: I did, but one is for my house and one is for your house. You get Turd.
Jed: I have two cats, Sara. I cannot have a rabbit.
Sara: Welp, you get Turd. Cole has already decided. It shall be so.
Jed: Sara, what the fuck. I don’t want a rabbit.
Sara: Oops. Well, he’s really cute.
The texts occurred over a three-hour span, as Jed dealt with customers and I cackled. On his way to my apartment, he called, his voice a high-pitch timbre of utter panic.
“Please, please tell me you didn’t get rabbits, Sara.”
I smile and step outside to light a cigarette. “Yeah, but don’t worry. Seriously, they’re awesome.”
I hear Jed sigh. “They’re filthy and they eat their own poop.”
“No, Jed. These rabbits are litter-box trained.”
Hearing his nearly continuous sigh, I told him the truth. I wanted to let it play out until he arrived, sweating and hysterical, but determined that it was time to end the torture. I still want a rabbit.