Satan Sucks: Tell Your Friends

Weird bathtub moment. It’s not sad. I dunno why I’ve had a series of serious posts lately, and I apologize from the bottom of my cold, dark heart for failing you.

Tonight, instead of the typical questions and chatter (or sad tales of eroding preschool friendships), I get this:

Momma, what’s Satan?

What. The. Fuck.

I'm buying us matching shirts.

I'm buying us matching shirts.

I stare at him, mouth agape, for no less than thirty seconds. He smiles back at me.

“What do you mean?” I ask. “Wait, what did you say?”

“What’s sadan?” He looks up.

I don’t want to repeat it, put words in his mouth. “Uhhh. What?”

The Kaiser splashes around.

“Dude. What did you say?” I demand. He ignores me, so I try again. “Are you saying, ‘Satan’ or ‘Sadan’?”

“It’s uh. It’s uhhh.. It’s when you push a stick outta the way. You, uh. Mommy. You push the stick.” He makes a shoving motion with both hands.

What. The. Fuck.

I’m horrified. But I’m also intrigued. I mean, really? “What’s pushing a stick? Who’s pushing the stick away?” I prod.

He grins. “Or, you can push a log. A log or a stick.”

“Dude,” I laugh, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Sadan,” he grins at me.

Shit.

“Who told you that word, Coley?” Who is talking to my kid about Satan? Sadan? This pre-school is bang out of order and batshit crazy. I swear to Buddha, if he says Satan again, I’m taking a week off work, pulling him outta that nuthouse and having a little heart-to-heart, screaming rant about appropriate and inappropriate theology for a three-year old.

“Haley said it,” he turns away and pushes a train beneath the surface.

I press for more information but the Kaiser is done discussing the matter. I still have no clue what the kid said. If you have any ideas, any thoughts that could put my mind at ease, lemme know.

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8 Comments

Filed under Preschool, Religion

8 responses to “Satan Sucks: Tell Your Friends

  1. Dan

    I think the stick reference covers everything…….although I have no idea either what that actually is.

  2. Thee Dan

    You got me…we will never know now…waterboard!

  3. Is Haley real country? Cause maybe she was saying, “Hey, moove that stiick, I was satan’ thar.” Or not. Kids are weird.

    • sarafraser

      I wish I knew. It could be a southern accent thing. The school has bastardized my child’s precious English. Did you know he doesn’t say, “yes” any more? Nope, he says, “Yay yah.” True story. “Yay yah.” It’s horrifying. Am I a bitch? Don’t answer that.

  4. sarafraser

    Ah, Toot. I’m happy for you. I’m happy for Hay and Sadan. I’m most happy that it’s not my kid. And — I MET this little girl on Friday. She’s country as chicken-fried steak. But cute?

  5. Pingback: Go Away or I Shall Taunt You a Second Time « Misadventures of a Modern Mommy

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