Pre-school Friendship Fail

friendThe next person that hurts my kid’s feelings is going to get punched. I can’t take it and someone’s going to suffer along with me.  OK, so maybe in the spirit of nonviolence and in the fear of being killed, I’ll punch no one. But I’ll be sad, damn it.

Parenting opens up the long-forgotten wounds of childhood. Being a kid isn’t easy. And parenting forces me to relive all of my own social disasters and relearn my buried insecurities. I want, more than anything, to spare the Kaiser the angst I experienced as a child. But then – don’t we all, in our own ways, suffer through childhood? There’s no choice, no option, but to let him navigate his own path. It’s agonizing. It’s terrifying. It breaks my heart.

The Kaiser’s bath time is generally one of the best moments of my day. We discuss school, he tells me his imaginary Thomas adventures, he asks endless questions about the differences of metal, plastic and wood (no, seriously). So he’s running his truck ‘round and ‘round the tub. I’m sitting on the floor, my back against the cabinet, rereading A Million Little Pieces.

“Momma,” the Kaiser says, “Brody is not my friend.”

I look up from my book questioningly. “Why not, stink?” I ask.

“He doesn’t like me anymore,” he glances at me and clutches his truck.

I close the book and squat next to the bathtub. “What do you mean? Why do you think that?” I ask, and I feel my heart sink.

“I asked him if I could come to his house and he said no. He said I could never come to his house,” the Kaiser says softly and unplugs the tap, signaling me to turn on the water. I turn it on and he sits back under the tap. The water runs over his little shoulders.

I sit back down on the toilet and watch him. “Well, that’s not very nice, is it?” I ask. I watch. He doesn’t answer, but stares at his truck. The water runs down. He turns his truck over in his little fingers. He says nothing.

“You know, sometimes people aren’t nice to us. And sometimes people hurt our feelings. Are you ok?” My eyes blur with tears and I pick up the towel. “C’mon, boog, let’s hop out.”

He says nothing.



Filed under Raising Kids

16 responses to “Pre-school Friendship Fail

  1. Jonathan

    It’s amazing how things like your first grade “friend” telling you things that, translated into adult-ish speak, were basically “I am too cool to hang with you because you suck and my socio-economic status can’t handle us being friends” sticks with you over the years. My heart goes out to the Kaiser, but you know just as well as I do that we grow up to be (reasonably) productive and (moderately) well-adjusted members of society.

    • sarafraser

      Oh, I know. And I likewise know you’re right, and that eventually, all shall be well. It’s just the getting there that’s a bitch.

  2. Dan

    WOW….most poignant blog yet. His mother’s love will be the glue that holds those million pieces together…..any chance the K has the gumption to invite the young tyke over to YOUR house?

    • sarafraser

      Thanks, mister. He’s a resilient guy — I think it’s me that may need some Elmer’s. And yes, I considered that. Playdate at my house? While I do rather hate other people’s kids, I’m willing to bend. A little.

  3. Aimes

    Just tell me where I can find this kid…..

  4. sarafraser

    K3, weasel face.

  5. Where does that little shit live?

  6. Jed

    I was considering telling the Kaiser that the kid was just a “dick,” but Sara vetoed that.

  7. sarafraser

    I dunno; he doesn’t want us to come to HIS house. Ah man, you guys all realize that the Kaiser could be making this up? Yeah. I never know. He once swore that school didn’t feed him lunch. I called. He had eaten two helpings that day. :-/

  8. Brody: “I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.”
    Kaiser: “You eat…. Tool.”

  9. Tina

    I have gone & stillgo through that stuff with Daniel!
    Your blog is right on about how it makes us relive our own childhood trauma. Kid’s can be such asshole’s!!

  10. sarafraser

    Uhyeah. There’s something about the human condition…we all seem to default to, “asshole.” Hard stuff. Thankfully, our kids are COOLASSHIT because they have mothers like us.

  11. Toot

    I’m almost done with Hayden’s bubble.

  12. Allison Georger

    Colin said the same thing one day “Brody not my friend, him not want to play ball with me.” It must be the little devil himself teaching them that people can suck. Why do they have to learn these lessons? Especially when the dumb kid probably doesn’t even know what hes saying, he is just repeating from somewhere else. At least our kids come up with their own cut downs. They are original individuals. Maybe we can kick his Moms ass she all super cute and skinny anyway.

    • sarafraser

      You know what’s really sick? I feel like shit because I told Cole that we were going to Colin’s house today and that Hayden was coming to. So I know they’ll talk about it at school. I don’t want anyone else’s feelings to be hurt. 😦

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